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FWIW - you sound like me a couple years back.

"I am plagued always with the feeling that I am not what I should be, but what that is I do not know".

Hang on to that thought, never quit searching. That was the feeling that wouldn´t let go, like probing a bad tooth; that forced me to examine everything, twice and again.
The dry foxholes of the church didn´t do anything for me, and scripture was a tangle of convoluted sentences. But I kept at it until I finally came to the point of surrender, when I gave up trying to make sense of it my way, and let scripture speak for itself, working my way from the end of the Book back to the front. After all, a conclusion I can understand, a beginning leaves me wondering where it´s going. The Bible spoke of humans failing a test of trust, and here it was, another simple test to undo the results of failing that first test. Give up the knowledge of good and evil in exchange for eternal life. Trade independence for faith?
So, I looked for the heart of the matter; and left the rest to take care of itself. Was I left out? I felt like I was.
But one day it came to me just how personally my rebellion (not a fuckyouGod type - although I had gone through that. More like a ´I´ll take care of myself, thankyou. I´ll do it my way.´) had contributed to the death of an innocent Man.
I can´t explain it other than it was really vivid, and totally clear my connection to His death, and my intense (and I´m NOT an emotional type) sorrow that I helped cause it. What made it all the more intense was that I realized He did it anyway for me.

And it focused down to a single point, where it was just me and this mystery guy bleeding on a cross looking down on me; nothing else in the universe, just me and Him.

And this is where all the scripture reading paid off, because I realized in that tableux that His actions WERE speaking to me personally, one-on-one, stronger than mere words -- I was so full of me, me, me; and suddenly here was the designer of the universe, looking at me and offering His death to me, saying He takes my place, here - You don´t deserve to die for me, I protest.
"But because I love you, even though you don´t know Me, I´m dying here for you; so that you won´t Die."

He´s given all He´s got, just to get my attention, not beating me over the head, or spouting thundering words, or dangling me over flaming pits -- just slowly bleeding and suffocating to death in front of me - all just for me. (the personal Jesus had just sunk in, not like it was a personal club you held alliegence to, but this face-to-face me & Him uncluttered by anything meeting)

And just hanging there waiting for me to take His offering of taking my place, to give to me All that He had. For nothing, Just acknowledgement. Just for me to say, ´okay, I accept what You´re doing is for me.´

And I won´t go all into the feelings that swept through me, just that I´ve never been the same since. And at the same time, I´m still me; just pointed in a different alignment. Still the same problems; just a different outlook on them. Still the same frustrations; just a different hope to them. But what a relief not to have anything to prove, or accomplish, or conquer, or solve, or whatever; just to walk through life being guided in a different kind of way.
No, I don´t hear a physical voice giving directions; but I´d be suspicious of that anyway; and that leaves no room for faith. [And faith is believing that that contact with Him in realizing what He did was real, what He did was very real, and the stories of His resurrection were real. ( If He could raise Himself from the dead, then He could raise me.)]
But the details of the afterlife were incidental compaired to wanting to become what I was created for, now. When I die, I´m dead, and that´ll take care of itself one way or another; but what was this life supposed to mean here and now?
I wanted to KNOW that the insignificant dust that I was, mattered to someone. The created object hoping to be used, and pleasing the crafter, making Him glad He made me. I wanted to feel that He noticed me at all, such a small speck in the grand parade of history and universes.

And He stopped time in one moment and looked down from the cross, and said ´I´ve been waiting to meet you. Come follow me.´

Hope you find your moment in time when you´re face to face with Him too.

You know... the bottom line for me is the one thing I fear the most. Just 7 words.
"...depart from Me, I never knew you..."

I´m doing my level best to know Him.

Doesn´t matter much to me what you believe as long as you leave me alone to believe what I want. I enjoy hearing differing points of view, even though I may totally disagree with the conclusions reached. So what. I´m responsible for me and you´re responsible for you. I don´t need to convince you of anything; but as I like to see other people´s reasoning processes, I display mine for others to look at. Fair trade, no robbery.

If God wants to tell you something, He´ll tell you something. If you sincerely search for Him, you´ll find Him. Easy. It´s the following what He says, that´s the hard part.

It´s fun and instructive to compare notes, and no surprise we like those who agree with our world view, and tend to be critical of those that don´t. A lot of this tension is because all the dues paid in gaining some wisdom is put down or brushed casually aside by those who take a ´bubble-gum non-thought´ approach. Let it slide off your back, although it´s tough ignoring non-analytical nay-sayers. The hardest thing for me personally is to overlook those who are ´deliberately ignorant´; who don´t like facts or self-examination or thinking.

The Word of God as I see it described in the Bible, is Jesus. (FHL, insert quotes here).

And methinks a discussion of the nature of God would lead into what the Word of God is.
(Foundation before details, or we´ll wander all over the place.)

And as far as concepts being threats...HA!

If what I believe is so weak to be swayed by the next concept that comes along; then that belief wasn´t worth hanging onto.

If I´m so weak that nothing stays, ever; then you haven´t found what you need to find yet -- keep searching.

Now if you ask my personal opinion on something specific, I´ll give it.

So, yes, it is a one-shot deal. The penalty is ruff, but the solution simple.

Check out the story on the seeds that were sown, only one out of four made it. Either one forth of humans make it, or you have only a 25 percent chance of it gaining root in you. Sounds harsh, but it´s His rules. One of the lessons is to trust Him, and leave the humanly unfairness of it for Him to resolve, worry about your own relationship with Him, rather than universal salvation which is His business. Remember, you´re a created object with NO inherent rights, other than what He gives you.

Piss and moan about the rules, and say you won´t play because of them; then you´re given the free will to do so. It´s those that trust Him that He is fair and loving and concerned, that listen to Him and believe.